His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
