Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
