She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
