Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
