Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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