god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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