because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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