There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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