At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
