he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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