Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
