Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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