You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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