Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
