so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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