I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
