dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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