I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
