I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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