He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
