The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
