Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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