You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
