Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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