If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
