I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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