This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
