it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
