so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
