He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
