Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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