i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
