Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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