i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
