I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize