One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
