I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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