they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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