Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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