It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
