super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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