I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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