There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
