Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
