Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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