I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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