Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
