i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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