lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
