i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
