I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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