Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
