her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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