did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
