No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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