Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
