nut hugger
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
