After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
