I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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