everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
