Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
