is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
