ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
