If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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