There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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