he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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