She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
