we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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