come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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