what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she looked like the before picture.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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